The Style Invitational Week 1008 Rejigger a movie title
By Pat Myers,
Updated: Thursday, February 7, 12:41 PM
“You Are 54: Where Car?”: A senior moment strikes
in a parking garage. (Julie Thomas and
Will Cramer; Brendan Beary)
“The Brief Pelican”: Impressed with the success of the Aflac Duck, the
Hanes underwear company signs a new mascot.
(Gene McMath)
“What? Did Daddy Do You in the War?” A young girl learns of her father’s
overseas affair when a Korean woman comes looking for him. (Russell Beland)
While starting to pore over the past 10 years of Style Invitationals
— 515 contests — to select its Greatest Hits for our 20th-anniversary ickstravaganza on March 3, the Empress came upon this
classic from Week 524, a contest we’d never repeated but clearly begs to be
done again: Rearrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the
resulting work, as in these winning entries from 2003. Even given the thousands
of films to choose from, we’re certain that many of you will send in the same reconfigured
movie title, so it’ll probably be the humor in the plot or description that
earns it the ink.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the
Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is the official Style
Invitational trophy. Second place receives a package of Butt/Face soap — with
each side of the bar inscribed with “butt” or “face,” not to mention coded in
brown and white, so you’ll know which side is for which cheek. Donated by the fastidious longtime Loser Phyllis Reinhard.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the
ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get
a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air
“freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail
entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, Feb. 18; results published March 10 (online March 7). No more than 25
entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1008” in your
e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name,
postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for
this week’s honorable mentions is by Christopher Lamora;
the alternative title in the “Next week’s results” line is by Brad Alexander.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
Report from Week 1005. our biennial contest in
which we ask you to create “joint legislation” by combining the names of two or
more (often many more) freshman members of Congress. To judge from the many
thousands of entries sent in this year from almost 500 people (and by the
Empress’s count, 105 of them were entering the Invite for the first time), the
113th Congress should be a productive one; already, Rep. Peters (har har) has 247 pieces of
legislation to his name (alas, most are unprintable). As usual, quite a few of
the entries were cryptic, to say the least; the E figured out only from
context, for example, that “Yoho-Vela-Williams” was meant to be read as
“Jehovah’s Witnesses.” The winners below are much more valid. But if you’re
still stuck on any of them, look at this link to the same list but with
translations. But do try to puzzle them out first; otherwise, you’ll miss out
on the extra gratification that comes from catching on after a few seconds of
thought.
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
The Heck-Pocan-Cook-Rice bill
to eliminate the food stamp program. (Rick Haynes,
Boynton Beach, Fla.)
2. Winner of the “Welcome to Loserville”
sign: The Kildee-Warren-Yoho Act: Aims to
end the fighting in another one of those countries you’d never heard of. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
3. The Takano-Schatz bill to study why the Capitals seldom score. (Steve Fahey, Kensington,
Md.)
4. The Warren-Kildee-Kennedy amendment to the Castro-Kildee-Kennedy Act,
specifying that all conspiracy-theory research funded by the act include at
least one really epic plot twist. (David Smith, Santa Cruz,
Calif.)
Lower billing: honorable mentions
(We have so many First Offenders this week that we put asterisks by their
names rather than noting it each time.)
Barr-Pocan-LaMalfa
bill to limit how much gum-jabbing a dental hygienist may do during a routine
cleaning. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)
The Hirono-Schatz Act to subsidize gun silencers
(Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
The Collins-Collins Act to reduce legislative redundancy. Followed closely by the Murphy-Murphy Act to reduce legislative
redundancy. (*Andrea Schmahl, Front Royal, Va.)
The Cotton-Kennedy, Kennedy-Barr and Kennedy-Kaine
acts to raise the BMI threshold for obesity. (Danielle Nowlin, Woodbridge, Va.)
The Barr-King-Cook bill to grant honorary U.S.
citizenship to Gordon Ramsay. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala
City)
The Bustos-Titus-Heck
resolution to investigate the safety of the athletic compression bra. (*Tom
Buckley, Centreville, Va.)
The Collins-Murphy-Collins-Murphy-Vargas Act to promote
diversity in law firms (*Meagan Keefe, Fairfax Station, Va.)
The Wagner-Bustos Act to provide training for
exotic dancers. (Chris O’Carroll, Emporia, Kan.)
The Donnelly-Veasey Act to establish limits on
emigration. (Frank Osen, Pasadena,
Calif.)
DeSantis-Enyart-Titus-Cotton
educational memorandum about the dangers of yoga pants at the beach. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
The Barr-Bridenstine-Sinema
Act to ban simulcasts of the Kim Kardashian wedding.
(Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.)
The Salmon-Flake-Rice-Barr Act for research into snacks that
are sure to encourage children to set aside their Milky Ways. (*J.P.
Devine, Arlington; *Kristine DeWitt, Westminster, Md.)
Barr-Payne-Warren-Daines-Holding-Fischer-Cruz
bill to prohibit the delivery of ransom to any Vikings who have captured a
deep-sea trawler. (David Genser,
Poway, Calif.)
Brownley-King-Enyart Act: An act
to regulate contamination from overflowing residential cesspools. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
The Kilmer-Meadows-Kildee-Brooks Act to establish specific targets for the
effects of global warming (Arden Levine, New York)
The Yoho-Sinema bill to promote
aargh-rated films. (*Joanne Free,
Clifton, Va.)
The Kirkpatrick-Stewart resolution to include the question “Who was the
better captain?” as part of the 2020 Census. (*David
Silversmith, Burke, Va.)
The Horsford-Cartwright Act to discourage getting
things out of order. (Dan Walker, Partlow, Va.; Larry
Pryluck, Amissville, Va.;
Mae Scanlan, Washington)
The King-Takano-Cotton bill to keep visiting dignitaries
from walking off with the White House linens. (Will Stutzman,
Millersburg, Ohio)
The Kildee-Joyce Act offers federal protections for party poopers. (Nancy Schwalb, Washington)
The Horsford-Hudson Act to expel Manhattan
prostitutes to New Jersey. (Mike Gips, Bethesda,
Md.)
The Weber-Scott-Salmon-Cook-King resolution to declare that dinner’s about
ready. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
The Kildee-Payne resolution to investigate liquor, pills and meaningless sex . (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
The Warren-Beatty Act: You probably think this law is about you, don’t you?
(Andrew Ballard, London; Kevin Dopart,
Washington)
The Barr-King-Peters resolution to call attention to
disturbing new trends in ventriloquism. (*Jeff Shirley, Richmond)
The Warren-Beatty-Sinema-Payne
Lifetime Achievement Commemoration for “Ishtar.”
(Craig Dykstra; Mitch Bailin,
Bethesda, Md.)
The Bera-Grayson Act to support research into
complexion disorders in the newborn. (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)
The Barr-Warren-Payne Act to establish a utopian society. (John Glenn)
The Yoho-Scott-Schatz Oldest Profession Immunization Act: Requires pimps to
ensure their “charges” have proper inoculations. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
The Bentivolio-Cartwright Act to “class up” the
Ponderosa by giving the “Bonanza” cast artsy Shakespearean names — and they
have to wear tights instead of chaps. (Mark Raffman)
The Pocan-Scott Act to Promote Alternatives to
Squeezing Charmin (Arden Levine)
The Barr-Baldwin-King-Cruz Act to deter flirtatious behavior by skinhead
street gangs. (Kevin Dopart)
The Bustos-Scott-King Bill to add Coretta to the
statue of Martin (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.)
The Flake-Collins-Holding bill to
treat people waiting to talk to Rush Limbaugh. (Ralph Nitkin, Rockville, Md.)
The Takano-Peters-Schatz Resolution urging members of Congress not to take
up the kind of photography that Tony Weiner did. (Pam
Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
And Last: The Davis-Titus-Heck resolution condemning one Loser’s gift-buying
practices. (Dave Zarrow’s wife,
Reston, Va.)
Next week’s results: It’s a ... a ..., or Fill It Up With
Super